نكت انجليزي مع ترجمتها بالعربي ادخل واضحك :)

نكت بالانجليزي مع الترجمه ..

>If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
>is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
>The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you
>let him in!

سؤال: اذا كان كلبك(( الله يكرمكم)) قاعد ينبح ورا الباب الخلفي للبيت وزوجتك تصيح عليك من ورا الباب الرئيسي شكلها كانت برا وفي شي مو عاجبها ,تفتح لمين الاول؟
الزوج : كلبي طبعا على الاقل ما ان يدخل حتى يسكت المسكين
------------------------------------------------------------------------

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
>Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

الاول بفخر : زوجتي ملاك
الثاني: انت محظوظ زوجتي لازالت حية
----------------------------------------------------------
man said his credit card was stolen but he decided
>not to report it because the thief was spending less
>than his wife did.


واحد بطاقته الائتمانية انسرقت بس قرر انه مايبلغ الشرطة استغربوا اصحابه وبيسئلونه ليه ماتبلغ يارجال
قال لان اللي سرقها بيصرف فلوس اقل من ما كانت زوجتي تصرفه

-------------------------------------------------------------------

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you
>can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the
>wife is.


لما تشوف رجل بيفتح باب السيارة لزوجته كن على ثقة من انه اما السيارة جديدة او الزوجة جديدة
---------------------------------------------------------
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
>letter said, "If you don't promise to send us
>$100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife."
>The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my
>promise but I hope you
>will keep yours."


استقبل زوج رسالة من مختطفين الرسالة تقول:
اذا لم تعدنا بارسال مبلغ مئة الف دولار في ظرف اسبوع رح نختطف زوجتك
الرجل: انا خايف انه مااتمكن من االوفاء بوعدي ولكني أامل ان تفوا انتم بوعدكم
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the matter, you look depressed."
>I'm having trouble with my wife.
>What happened?
>She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."
>"But that ought to make you happy."
>"It did, but today is the last day."

الاول لصديقه: شنو فيك شكلك محبط ليه؟
لثاني: تخاصمت مع زوجتي وقالت انها مو مكلمتني لمدة ثلاتين يوم
الاول طيب أحسن المفروض انك تفرح يا رجال
الثاني : ايه صحيح بس اليوم اخر يوم
























بعض النكت باللغة الانجليزية.... some joke's in english
________________________________________

A:Hey,man! please call me a taxi
........B:yes,sir.You are a taxi






.." The doctor to the patient:"Your are very sick
?"The patient to the doctor:"Can I get a second opinion
."The doctor again:"Yes, you are very ugly too






A:I have the perfect son
?B: does he smoke
A:No, hedoesn't
?B: does he drink whiskey
A:No,he doesn't
?B oes he ever come home late
A:No,he doesn't
??B:I guess you really do have the perfect son .How ld is he
A:He will be six months old next wednesday





One a crowded bus,one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed..."What's the matter? Are you sick..? the man :No ,I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing





Fred is 32 years old and he is still single
one day a friend asked,"Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife..? fred eplied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry,but when Ibring them home to meet my parent's my mother doesn't like them
His friend thinks for a moment and says."I've go the perfect solution,just find a girl who's just like ypur mother
A few months later they meet again and his friend says"Did you find the perfect girl??..Did your mother like her
With a frown on his face, Fred answer:Yes , I found the perfect girl.She was just like my mother you were right .my mother liked her very much
The friend said:Then what's the problem?? fred replied:My father doesn't like her






What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
(Jon)
Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem? (Scott)
What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha)
How do you know if your a red neck?
You go to the family reunon to find a date! (Faithe Ainsworth)
Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement ******** (Kyle Burglie)
Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!! (Pisshead Bonehead)
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott)
:g rin:What is green and smells?
Hulk's fart.
(Azbar Kahleed)
Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
Becase he was a party pooper. (Briana)
You so short you have to look up to look down. (Crystal)
Yo mamma is so fat:
She eats Wheat Thicks.
We're in her right now.
She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan)
Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it". (M. P. Monaghan)
Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a ******** (M. P. Monaghan)
How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear...
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Yo mama's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.
Yo mama's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.
Yo mama's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.
Yo mama's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
Yo mama's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
None. The invisible hand does it.
How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.
George Carlin
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneris
I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
Carol Leifer
I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people.
Ed Bluestone
I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
Jay Leno
Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're ****lfish.
What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
Nuclear fission.
Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Because it had a nice groove in it!
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck









أمثال بالانجليزي


LOVE starts
with a SMILE , grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR
يبدأ الحب بابتسامة ، وينمو بقبلة ، وينتهي بدمعة


DON'T cry over anyone who won't cry over you
لاتبك على من لا يبكي عليك


Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget
الأصدقاء الحقيقون يصعب إيجادهم ، يصعب تركهم ، ويستحيل نسيانهم


You can only go as far as you push
على قدر أهل العزم تأتي العزائم


ACTIONS speak louder than words
الأفعال أبلغ من الأقوال


The HARDEST thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else
أصعب ما على النفس أن ترى من تحب ، يقع في حب شخص آخر


DON'T let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff
لا تجعل الماضي يعيقك ، سيلهيك عن الأمور الجميلة في الحياة

LIFE'S SHORT. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it
الحياة قصيرة ، إن لم تستغلها ضاعت عليك الفرصة


Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being in it
بعض الناس يجعلون حياتك سعيدة ، فقط بتواجدهم فيها


When it HURTS to look back, and you're SCARED to look ahead,you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there
عندما يؤلمك النظر للماضي ، وتخاف مما سيحدث في للمستقبل ، انظر لجانبك ، وصديقك الحميم سيكون هناك ليدعمك


TRUE FRIENDSHIP "NEVER" ENDS, Friends are FOREVER
الصداقة الحقيقة لا تنتهي ، الأصدقاء دوما يبقون كذلك


Good friends are like STARS You don't always see them, but you know they are ALWAYS
THERE
الأصدقاء الحقيقيون كالنجوم ، لا تراها دوما ؛ لكنك تعلم أنها موجودة في السماء


DON'T frown. You never know who is falling in love with your smile
لاتتجهم ، أنت لا تعلم من سيقع في حب ابتسامتك


?What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry
ماذا ستفعل حينما يكون الشخص الوحيد القادر على مسح دموعك ، هو من جعلك تبكي ؟


Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end
كل الأمور على مايرام في النهاية ، إن لم تكن كذلك ، فتلك ليست النهاية


Most people walk in and out of your life, but only FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart
معظم الناس يدخلون ويخرجون من حياتك ، لكن أصدقائك الحقيقيون هم من لهم موضع قدم في قلبك

القناعة تقيم في الأكواخ اكثر من القصور
******* lodges oftener in cottages
than palaces


النوم باكراّ والنهوض باكراّ يكسبان المرء صحة وثراء وحكمة
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man
healthy, wealthy, and wise


يموت الجبناء عدة مرات قبل موتهم
Cowards die many times before their death



الإحسان يبدأ بالأهل
Charity begins at home


*~ ستعلّمك الأيام -أو الوقت- ما كنت تجهله ~*
Time will soon teach you what you were ignorant of


الأفعال أعلى صوتا من الأقوال
Actions speak louder than words


الغبي لا يسامح ولا ينسى, والساذج يسامح وينسى, اما الحكيم فإنه يسامح ولكنه لا ينسى
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget;
the wise forgive but do not forget." -


التعليم الممتاز هو افضل استثمار لمستقبلك
Quality education is the best investment for your future
*






شخصيات مهمة بالانجيلزى
هذه بعض أسماء الكيميائيين :
Svante August Arrhenius , Amedeo Avogadro , Walther Hermann Nernst , Vladimir Vasilevich MARKOVNIKOV , Thomas Martin Lowry, Johannes Nicolaus Bronsted ,VLADIMIR PRELOG , ROBERT S. MULLIKEN, DONALD J. CRAM , JACOBUS HENRICUS VAN 'T HOFF , Henri Louis Le Chatelier, Humphry Davy .
- Douglas Skoog, Donald M. West, and F. James Holler _ " Fundamentals of analytical chemistry " _ Seventh Edition _ Saunders College Publishing.

- - Gary Cristian , and James E. O'Reilly _ " Instrumental analysis " _ Second Edition _ Allyn and Bacon, Inc.

هههههههههههههههه
مشكور
شو هذا كمان في الانجليزي